2/12/13
I now fully understand why mom's have a special day set aside for them each year known as "Mother's Day." I shared this idea with Laura on the ride home, and she asked, "Then why is there a Father's Day?" ..."Because they felt dads needed a consolation prize so we wouldn't whine about it!"
I hate to disappoint, but this post won't have the free flowing humor like the previous posts from our baby classes...of course it wouldn't be me if I didn't have any sarcasm or humor.
The word of the night...despite numerous "vaginas" was much less entertaining, but equally important..."C-section"...but, just for kicks...our bonus word of the night was "cutting"...more on that later!!!
Tonight was sort of the first night that I've spent a lot of time thinking and beginning to worry about both mom and baby. As you read, last week was focusing on "normal" deliveries while this week focused on C-section and any other special circumstances that would lead to anything other than a "normal" birth. Weirdly enough, I was thankful for "that couple" tonight and their ever-present annoying questions they poured on at a whole new level tonight that provided a needed distraction/mental break from the stresses the class brought on. I'm just hopeful that our smooth pregnancy leads to a smooth delivery day...but tonight was very sobering.
We learned about the selfishness of some parents to plan a C-section in order to have the child arrive when they want it to, rather than letting nature run its course in delivering a baby that is ready to enter the world. We also were made aware of several other circumstances in which we'd need to have a C-section. Whether the baby somehow shifts and turns breach or horizontal, or if it's too big and simply can't fit through the pelvis to be delivered, we are at least well-aware of the C-section option. Not that you care to know, but I was born C-section after my mom apparently labored for a long time without luck. I guess you can say I've been stubborn since day one!!!
All of the above scenarios fall under the "unplanned" category of C-sections. The "emergency" C-sections were the scary part of the night. Ranging from the baby's vitals dropping on the monitors to mom's vitals dropping, to bleeding, to the umbilical chord being delivered before the baby...all of these things now scare the crap out of me! The worst part about these scenarios is that our decisions now impact 2 lives rather than just one! Tonight I was genuinely stressed out thinking about having to make a decision about our baby's life, and about Laura's life...all of which brought up unpleasant thoughts that I don't want to go into...but our pregnancy transformed for me tonight. It's not just about happiness and joyful thinking now...in the back of our minds, we have to be ready to make some tough decisions should they arise in the next 2 months.
I must say that the C-section itself doesn't make me too scared, but it's the complications and implications it carries. From the local anesthetic, to a general anesthetic if it's an emergency situation, with any surgery comes risk. At times, the C-section seems to be easier than what Laura could be in store for... but it's way riskier than the "old fashioned" way! There was a video tonight that discussed and showed a C-section...you guessed...I definitely didn't watch that!!! Heck, if they keep the dad by mom's head during the procedure, why on Earth would I want to watch it on a video?!?! I also didn't realize these videos are the white man's version of National Geographics and tribal nudity...if I have to see anymore nasty nipples on these horror movies, I'll never look at boobs the same way again!!! Anyways, the whole process creates a new can of worms for mom and baby...from complications to recovery time...the surgery just isn't something we'd be hoping for. I can't believe there are people out there that are selfish enough that opt to have a C-section because they want to dictate when they give birth because of some crazy wish. Don't get me wrong, I totally understand why C-sections are needed, but if it isn't needed, why risk all the things that come along with having surgery?!?! But, as we've been learning from class and friends, we need to keep an open mind about our delivery day and labor process and need to be ready to roll with the punches as they come our way.
Laura summed it up best tonight..."I kind of wish that I didn't know all of that stuff now and that I just went into it blind and unprepared." I'm just throwing this out there...feminists can be royal pain in the butts with their "go girl power" BS, yet some dudes are total jerks with their, "chicks suck and just complain about everything and men are way better" BS...there's absolutely no way I'd ever be able to be a woman!!! I'm terrified for the whole process and all the things Laura may need to endure to bring our child into this world. Tonight we learned another "E" word...I'm starting to learn that "E" is a bad letter for pregnancy terms...Epidurals last week, and Episiotomy this week. Epidurals would be enough to make me want to go play in traffic or get poked in the eye with a sharp stick rather than have that done...but now, this new "E" word!!! For those of you that don't know, I'll make it sound like butterflies and unicorns and other great things...If Laura's baby door can't open wide enough for baby, they might have to make a cut towards her back door to help the process. Pardon my French, but...#&%# that!!! No way...I don't want anyone even looking in that region on me, let alone wanting to cut it!!! If someone ever came at me with a knife with intentions to go down there, I'd put up one heck of a fight...maybe even shoot them in self-defense!!! Luckily our overly positive and bluntly honest teacher reassured us, "But don't worry, moms, we can give a local shot in the area to numb it before the incision!" HECK NO!!! It's bad enough to cut that region, but first they'd stick you?!?! After the cutting, of course, comes some sewing...nope...count me out! I can guarantee you Laura would've never let me touch her if she knew all this stuff was in store for her!!! And you know what...I don't blame her! In fact...I'm going to let this blog entry be my "talk" that I'll someday have to have with my daughter where babies come from!!! Heck...if teaching 5th grade won't scare her away from having kids, this entry darn-well better do it!!! Anyways, needless to say, if I was a woman, I'd turn into a nun and never let a guy get anywhere near me!!!
Our night ended in a beneficial way with a tour of United Hospital's birth center. We saw the check-in area and every other place we'll likely encounter along our journey on "D-Day" (Delivery Day) as my dad has started calling it. From the labor/delivery room to the postpartum recovery room, we saw some cool stuff. The labor room was smaller and way more simple than I thought it'd be. And our recovery room was smaller than I've seen as well. Anyways, each room had a TV and...are you ready for the most sarcastic comment of the night?!?!...a super comfortable chair that converts to an even more comfortable bed for me!!! But hey...ya know what...I'm not going to complain about an uncomfortable bed/chair that I'll have to endure for a couple of days while Laura endures that crap I described above. It was comforting to see the close proximity of the operating room to the delivery room incase of an emergency, and it was comforting to know the Children's Hospital is literally down the hall from where our baby will be born if there is a need for additional special care. It was comforting to know that our baby will be born in a place with some of the best staff and the best facility around, so I know it will get the best care when we welcome her into the world.
Of course, this baby class posting wouldn't be complete without some one-liners from the night...
Remember, think MN accent with a little TX flare and super bubbly/optimistic personality in order to envision this lady. I'll gladly do the voice for you if you want...but I really like her and I look forward to the straight-faced dirty words each week...mostly because I like to giggle and be immature!!!
Teacher: "Ladies, don't worry too much about your stubborn cervix, we have tools we can use to help baby!"
Annoying dad, "So, if an unplanned C-section is needed, will we have time to call family/friends and wait for them to get to the hospital before the actual procedure?" (I wanted to slap the dumbness out of him at that point!)
Teacher: While holding up a 12-inch long plastic stick in her hand (think: orchestra conductor's wand), "Ladies, if we need to break your water for you, we'll just stick this right up your vagina and take care of it for you!"
And with that...I'll wrap up this post. I hope you enjoyed this entry. I want to sincerely thank you for your continued thoughts/best wishes/prayers you've been sending our way. You've truly made a difference for us so far and I'm hoping you don't mind sending them our way a little while longer. Thanks again for reading my Daddy Diary! Take care...
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