2/6/13
For the second round of baby class, the word of the day morphed from "vagina" to "rectal pressure" this week!!! I hope you don't mind the language in my opener...because there's more to come!!! Grab a beverage...this one is a big longer than usual. So, in the mood of child birth, let's get this newest blog entry going and make like a baby and head out...
At least we learned things about the delivery process and what to expect in between all the anatomy words and nasty video clips. The delivery/labor process is infinitely more complicated than I ever thought it would be. In my fantasy land and ignorant dad world, I thought we'd get checked in, Laura would be in tremendous pain for a while, she'd push and try to get the baby out while shouting profanities at me, screaming "you did this to me" and then the kid would fall out in pristine condition and be handed to us smelling like Johnson&Johnson baby shampoo...holy crap...I was way wrong!!!
I'll prove myself way wrong, step by step...First of all, the check-in part appears to be the easiest of all parts to this process. We actually have a pre-registration form that we can have filled out and hand it to the people, get our wrist bands and head in...so far, it kind of sounds like we're going to a concert! Once in our own delivery room, we'll be assigned a delivery nurse who won't leave our side until the baby is born. This will be nice to have a constant presence of someone who knows what the heck is going on and is there to assist us as needed. I can only imagine what Laura will go through. But I do know this...anytime I complain about a stomach ache in the future, I will not get much sympathy from her! Our classmates really woke up last night when the teacher started talking about all the drugs that are available to mom. She went through a short list of drugs, how they're given to mom and the risks to mom and baby that each carried. It was nice to have this in-depth analysis, but also daunting, knowing that Laura and I have quite a few more decisions to be made before the big day. Again, those annoying parents in our class had tons of stupid questions and comments that obviously got everyone annoyed in the room. While talking about a narcotic they sometimes used, our teacher was interrupted by, "What dosage does the hospital give of this narcotic?" Seriously?!?! Who the hell asks this question besides a doctor about to give the injection and wants to double check with a colleague?!?!
They have all sorts of positions, objects and places to help her through the various stages of labor. Anywhere from a nurse and I supporting her near the bed, to medicine balls, to warm tubs, to the use of a "labor bar" (think jungle gym equipment that attaches to the bed)...just to help her through contractions and trying to keep her comfortable. I really hope that baby takes it easy on mom. Laura has been such a trooper throughout the pregnancy...she's been uncomfortable probably a lot more than others, so I hope this is a little easier on her than others.
So, after passing through the various labor stages for anywhere up to 18 hours...good God...then comes the pushing phase intermixed with profanities. Laura knows that I love her so much that I'm giving her a free pass to call me all the names she wants that day, no hard feelings. And yes, I "did this to her" so it's the least I can endure...I know!!!
And finally, once the little bundle of joy I've been longing to meet arrives, she will in fact be quite goopy at first! If you know me well, you know I don't like my fingers in slimy or sticky stuff...so suddenly, this magical moment is now giving me mixed emotions! I'll want to hug, kiss and coddle the little twirp...but...ewwwwww!!! She most definitely not be smelling like a baby fresh from a bath! (The parts of the nasty videos I did watch confirmed this fear)
I'm curious if birth and those first few hours have changed over time since Laura and I were born. They are apparently really big with skin-to-skin contact immediately starting upon birth. It almost appeared as though the baby was thrown towards mom's chest by the doctor while a nurse was stripping down mom's top and then "plop" goes the baby followed by tons of towels and checking for vital signs. While the baby is still on Laura's chest, they will do a variety of checks in the first minute, and then 5 minutes later, and then some more in the first hour or so. I know I'll get some skin to skin time with our little girl in there as well, but I certainly don't want to scar her for life if her first vision/memory is getting tangled in dad's chest hair...and I'm not shaving that crap, no way!!! I'm not going to let her start calling the shots on her first day!!! So I think I'll just stick with some good, old-fashioned baby holding!
We were also told that it would be more than an hour before we'd be moved from the delivery room to our normal room, and that sometime before we start having all of our friends and family stop by to meet our girl, mom and dad will probably want a shower and mom will want to try to take a quick nap in between the first couple of feedings.
Wow...that was a marathon post! I'll leave you with a few one-liners from our class last night. I love our teacher. She's a MN girl with a slight Texas accent, and super perky, so you can imagine the personality that matches...oh, and she's had 6 kids and is a nurse in the delivery ward, so she knows what she's talking about.
#1 - While talking about how each woman is different and why some labors take longer than others, she said, "Ladies, don't be bumming if your cervix isn't working with you!"
#2 - While describing a muscle to help with delivery and how to exercise that particular lady muscle, the ladies were told to practice doing "kegels"...the muscle that would stop you from peeing if you flexed it..."We want you to do this kegels up to 50 times a day before the big day so you can practice. I know that's a lot, but practice at work, in the car. Heck, I just did one in front of you just now and you didn't even know it!!! Isn't that fun?!"
#3 - Finally...let's just say I was the most immature at this class compared to the first class. There were lots of body parts, horrible cartoon/animations in the book we were given, and a ton of other reasons for me to morph into my 13 year old alter-ego. So needless to say, when "rectal pressure" was muttered for the first time, I lost it...no pun intended!
Anyways, thanks again for reading my Daddy Diary. I hope you find it somewhat entertaining and fun to check in on Laura and I as we have made our way through our first pregnancy. One final, random and serious thought before I wrap it up...At some point, I plan to put some sort of book together with all of these posts for my child to read when she gets older, and I hope she loves reading about the memories she was making for mom and dad well before she was born. In fact, I will be writing a related piece in my own classroom. This week, my students started working on writing their personal memoirs, and I promised them I would write my memoirs right along side of them. I have a feeling my baby and lovely wife will be mentioned in there somewhere! Thanks again for your continued thoughts and best wishes/prayers you send our way. They are greatly appreciated! Take care!
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