2/28/13
I have to do something to keep us entertained at the doctor's office while we're waiting...
Tonight we had the second of our weekly doctor visits as we are now 1 month from "D-Day" as my dad calls it (well, tomorrow is officially the 9 month mark!) Tonight, and the last appointment, we were brought into the exam room by a nice, fun lady. Tonight's exam was not supposed to be entertaining, but she helped us start it on a fun note. Laura was to be screened for Strep B bacteria...not a fun exam...it involves some swabbing...we'll just leave it at that. We were previewed on the procedure last week, and it definitely didn't sound fun. So tonight, I misunderstood the lady when she said, "so you're both here for the Strep B test tonight?" I was like, "BOTH OF US HAVE TO DO THAT?!?!" Without missing a beat and straight-faced, she replied, "Yep, we check both parents!" And before my jaw could completely hit the floor, she smiled and said, "Not really, but I think we should have to put the dad's through the same tests that moms have to endure! Don't you?!" as she looked at my chuckling wife!!! My response to the lady, "You used to be my favorite!"
After she headed out and our wait for the doctor began, our romantic pre-visit Burger King dinner started gurgling in my stomach. I wouldn't have been surprised if the whole clinic didn't hear the eruption that came from my chair...and I wouldn't have been surprised if they could'a smelled the thing too!!!! I know...too much info, but I've found great pleasure in passing our time in the exam rooms by passing gas!!! I've learned in the past 3 1/2 years that I'm married to the greatest woman on Earth, because she giggles when I fart! And tonight was no different...with fingers over her nose, she was giggling and snorkeling from across the room as I frantically tried to waft the rotting carcass from around my chair towards her. She could only mutter, "What if she walks in right now?!?!" My quick response was, "...honey, I'd blame it on you!"
As for the exam/visit itself...all continues to go well. I finally remembered to record our baby's heart beat on my iPhone. I've since texted the audio file to our parents...without the gas explosion! (Because I have no idea who now reads this blog, please send the grandparents or Laura/myself a text and we'll pass it along to you if you're curious to hear the coolest sound in the world!) The heart beat is strong and mom is doing well. The doctor found the baby's head to be in good position...and...and...the dialation has begun!!! It's not much...only half a centimeter now...the process has slowly started! She has not efaced (spelling?) or thinned at all (I don't totally know what this means, but apparently "it" thins out by the time baby is ready for her grand entrance! I asked if this is normal or early to begin dialating a month before the due date. She responded that it's normal to begin dialating in the 9th month because baby could technically arrive at any time...but she did say this is a bit early...nothing to worry about though, grandmas!!! ;) On the drive home, I suggested to Laura that she do her best to rest up and limit her stress, and with any luck, the baby door may start to close on itself!!! I felt her eyes roll as she was sitting next to me in the car!!!
Finally...if I haven't filled you in on my ultimate goal/purpose of this Daddy Diary...I'm planning to continue this as our daughter grows up and give her these posts in the form of a book of some sort when she's old enough to read and understand them. I'd like to request your comments on my posts, when you feel like it, of course. If you have a post you particularly liked reading in the past, and if you read something in the future and want to offer your thoughts/insight/wisdom/questions, please comment on the blog for all to see...especially for baby to see when she gets older. I don't think it will show how many people read each post, but I think it would be cool for my daughter to someday realize how many people are reading about her development, birth, infancy, childhood and beyond. Part 1 of my daughter's book will wrap up with her birth, and I'll then begin the next part as I continue to document and offer commentary on her milestones in life for her to someday look back on...even long after I'm gone, I'm hoping she'll enjoy reading her dad's words, and comments her friends and family members have made along the way as she grows. Thanks for your help with this project!!! Hell...when this Daddy Diary starts bringing in the $millions for us...I'll split it with you!!! ;)
And so with that...I'll wrap up this post. We will have our neighbors over for a chili cook-off this saturday at our house for a big shindig. We'll try to keep Laura away from the super spicy chili...I've heard spicy foods help with bringing on labor...though I don't know if there's any truth to that! At some point this weekend, I'm sure we'll try to start assembling our "Go bag" so we'll be ready to head to the hospital when the time is ready. We'll also be attending my grandpa's 90th birthday party on sunday. I'm not certain, but our baby girl would be his 5th great-grandchild...I'm looking forward to our girl meeting him soon...but not too soon!!!!
As always, thanks for reading my Daddy Diary. I hope you've enjoyed it. But most importantly, thank you so much for the great thoughts/kind words/well-wishing and/or prayers you keep sending our way...we greatly appreciate your support! Take care!
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Sunday, February 24, 2013
A doctor appointment, a nursery, a name, and a memoir
2/24/13
Last thursday night, we had another doctor appointment. All is well...thus, the long delay in getting this post written...some 3 days later!!! My apologies in advance for this lengthy post...I hope you find it worthwhile. So, before you start scrolling, grab some snack or something to drink...
It was a standard issue appointment for us; no special purpose nor test to run that night. We listened to baby's heart beat again...still, the coolest sound in the world! We also asked her some questions we had thought about during our last baby class and since then. As of tomorrow, we're officially 35 weeks along on this journey...I call the journey magical, while Laura calls it long!!! We did learn that we will now be frequent flyers at the doctor from now on as we'll be heading there weekly until baby arrives. We were also told that we will now let baby come when she wants out!!! Prior to now, they would have given Laura medicine or tried other things to prevent labor, but now baby gets to call the shots!!! She also said that after a few weeks, if baby wants out, she won't need to spend as much time in the intensive care unit for premature babies as she'll be more developed. So...we're keeping our fingers crossed that she is comfy inside mom for at least a few more weeks, if not more...even though mom is definitely not comfy with baby in there!!!
I've also created a new plan for Laura this last month of pregnancy. The plan is called, "You're going to sit on the couch and do nothing, and you're going to like it!" Laura has been wayyyyy too active over the past few weeks. The doctor reinforced her need to take it easy and listen to her body, especially since she has been so uncomfortable. If she's exercising for short periods of time, that is perfectly fine, but she needs to limit her activities overall. Since she is pretty stubborn and independent, I've taken it upon myself to help her remember this important information, hence, my new plan!!! I told the doctor she had been fairly active over the past few weeks and I thought she had been overdoing it lately. The doctor said if she needs to do any shopping or errands and other activities where she is on her feet, she really needs to limit herself to an hour or so and then get off her feet for some resting.
I'll mention this just briefly since I don't have pictures on here yet, but the nursery is almost finished. We hung a shelf and some pictures this weekend to begin the finishing touches for the baby room. Last weekend, Laura and her mom made valances for the windows...and they look awesome! We did another 2 loads of laundry of all baby clothes, thanks to the baby shower my family threw for Laura last weekend...and lots of purchases from both grandmas!!! I'll spend some time writing about this room at another time...and yes, I'll include pictures!
I'm not sure if I've told you about baby names yet, so I figured I should let you in on that. We had names picked out for a boy and girl for a long time...probably at least since we've been married. Since we found out Laura was pregnant, we both wanted to switch the girl's name for various reasons. We loved the boy's name, but we'll hold onto it incase we ever need it again. As for the girl, we've had our work cut out for us lately! Since we found out it was a girl, we've had many conversations about names. We've looked up the top girl names online many times. Most have been easy to eliminate for us, and some have been super easy for me to say no to...especially as a teacher!!! Laura will mention a name and I don't even need to hear it fully pronounced before I quickly say, "NO!!!" due to a nightmare/flashback of a previous student!!! We both came up with a short list of names we both liked and threw the names out there once in a while to see how they sounded. So now, some 5 weeks away from our baby's birth, we've narrowed the list down to 2 possible names. And no, nobody gets to know until she arrives...not even the grandmas!!! So, stay tuned...
And finally, to wrap up this long post, I wanted to share a project I worked on in cooperation with my middle school students. I had them write a personal memoir of an important event that changed their life. I thought it would be a great opportunity for me to do some reflecting on my life's moments as well. (I also think the kids appreciated their teacher taking on such a big writing assignment with them!) I plan to put all of my Daddy Diary posts together into some sort of book for our baby to read at some point in her life, and I thought it would be great for her to here about my most important moment in my life prior to her arrival...it may not be what you think it is!!! So, I'll wrap up this post with my usual words of gratitude and appreciation to you all for reading my Daddy Diary. Laura, baby _________, Lexi and I all thank you for your continued kind words, thoughts, best wishes and/or prayers you've been sending our way for the past 35 weeks. Enjoy my memoir...
Last thursday night, we had another doctor appointment. All is well...thus, the long delay in getting this post written...some 3 days later!!! My apologies in advance for this lengthy post...I hope you find it worthwhile. So, before you start scrolling, grab some snack or something to drink...
It was a standard issue appointment for us; no special purpose nor test to run that night. We listened to baby's heart beat again...still, the coolest sound in the world! We also asked her some questions we had thought about during our last baby class and since then. As of tomorrow, we're officially 35 weeks along on this journey...I call the journey magical, while Laura calls it long!!! We did learn that we will now be frequent flyers at the doctor from now on as we'll be heading there weekly until baby arrives. We were also told that we will now let baby come when she wants out!!! Prior to now, they would have given Laura medicine or tried other things to prevent labor, but now baby gets to call the shots!!! She also said that after a few weeks, if baby wants out, she won't need to spend as much time in the intensive care unit for premature babies as she'll be more developed. So...we're keeping our fingers crossed that she is comfy inside mom for at least a few more weeks, if not more...even though mom is definitely not comfy with baby in there!!!
I've also created a new plan for Laura this last month of pregnancy. The plan is called, "You're going to sit on the couch and do nothing, and you're going to like it!" Laura has been wayyyyy too active over the past few weeks. The doctor reinforced her need to take it easy and listen to her body, especially since she has been so uncomfortable. If she's exercising for short periods of time, that is perfectly fine, but she needs to limit her activities overall. Since she is pretty stubborn and independent, I've taken it upon myself to help her remember this important information, hence, my new plan!!! I told the doctor she had been fairly active over the past few weeks and I thought she had been overdoing it lately. The doctor said if she needs to do any shopping or errands and other activities where she is on her feet, she really needs to limit herself to an hour or so and then get off her feet for some resting.
I'll mention this just briefly since I don't have pictures on here yet, but the nursery is almost finished. We hung a shelf and some pictures this weekend to begin the finishing touches for the baby room. Last weekend, Laura and her mom made valances for the windows...and they look awesome! We did another 2 loads of laundry of all baby clothes, thanks to the baby shower my family threw for Laura last weekend...and lots of purchases from both grandmas!!! I'll spend some time writing about this room at another time...and yes, I'll include pictures!
I'm not sure if I've told you about baby names yet, so I figured I should let you in on that. We had names picked out for a boy and girl for a long time...probably at least since we've been married. Since we found out Laura was pregnant, we both wanted to switch the girl's name for various reasons. We loved the boy's name, but we'll hold onto it incase we ever need it again. As for the girl, we've had our work cut out for us lately! Since we found out it was a girl, we've had many conversations about names. We've looked up the top girl names online many times. Most have been easy to eliminate for us, and some have been super easy for me to say no to...especially as a teacher!!! Laura will mention a name and I don't even need to hear it fully pronounced before I quickly say, "NO!!!" due to a nightmare/flashback of a previous student!!! We both came up with a short list of names we both liked and threw the names out there once in a while to see how they sounded. So now, some 5 weeks away from our baby's birth, we've narrowed the list down to 2 possible names. And no, nobody gets to know until she arrives...not even the grandmas!!! So, stay tuned...
And finally, to wrap up this long post, I wanted to share a project I worked on in cooperation with my middle school students. I had them write a personal memoir of an important event that changed their life. I thought it would be a great opportunity for me to do some reflecting on my life's moments as well. (I also think the kids appreciated their teacher taking on such a big writing assignment with them!) I plan to put all of my Daddy Diary posts together into some sort of book for our baby to read at some point in her life, and I thought it would be great for her to here about my most important moment in my life prior to her arrival...it may not be what you think it is!!! So, I'll wrap up this post with my usual words of gratitude and appreciation to you all for reading my Daddy Diary. Laura, baby _________, Lexi and I all thank you for your continued kind words, thoughts, best wishes and/or prayers you've been sending our way for the past 35 weeks. Enjoy my memoir...
Mr. Lemke’s Personal
Memoir
Everyone makes memories as they go through life. Most of my memories are about family or
friends and doing something fun. The
most memorable moment in my life was the day I graduated high school because
that was the day I started viewing my life differently than I had before.
Before I graduated high school I was
an immature kid with limited thoughts and views on life. As I look back, I now realize that I walked
through my first 18 years of life in a selfish way. Before my graduation, I don’t think I had
many good friendships. In fact, I don’t
think many of the people I considered to be friends, were good friends at the
time. I think back to my middle school
years when my buddies would always make mean jokes about me, just to make other
people laugh. I considered them friends
because they would often make me laugh because they teased others in the same
way they teased me. Currently, of all
the close friends I had through my high school graduation, I still hang out
with one of them, and I don’t see him too often! My views on life were very limited before I
graduated. I was very stubborn, and I
made my decisions based on little information, and I didn’t change my point of
view even if I was wrong about something. When I was a sophomore in high
school, my outlook on life slowly started to change when I first had Ms. Lufkin
as my US History teacher. I had always
loved history, so I was able to connect with Ms. Lufkin very easily. She stands out in my mind as my favorite teacher
because she always seemed to care more about me as a person, rather than as her
history student. She quickly became my
favorite teacher that year, and I still consider her to be my favorite teacher
today; 10 years since I last left her classroom before graduation. My senior year, I took a class called
“Leadership” with Ms. Lufkin. I tried to
take this class many times before, but it was always cancelled due to low
enrollment. Taking this class was a
highlight of my senior year because it changed my thinking forever. Our textbook that year was called, “7Habits
of Highly Effective Teens.” This book,
with the help of Ms. Lufkin’s caring personality and coaching, changed the way
I thought. I would no longer go through
life making excuses for not doing things, nor would I sit around waiting or
hoping for things to happen or change; I would decide how I would live my. As my graduation loomed, I knew my time as a
“child” would end as I entered the “real world” as a legal adult beginning my
“real life.”
I never looked at life the same
again the day after I graduated from high school. The day I graduated, I began living my life
by focusing on my values and morals, and not doing things I felt others wanted
me to do. I don’t remember too many
details from that day itself, but I remember waking up the next morning and
feeling like a totally new person. At
the ceremony, I remember one of my favorite teachers giving a speech and
motivating us new graduates to reach for the stars as we walked through life. I remember walking across the stage and
shaking hands with school district officials I had never met. I remember hanging out with my classmates
that night during an all night “lock-in” at the school. To this day, I have not spoken with most of
those people since graduation night. The
day after the lock-in, I remember waking up with a new outlook on life. I no longer needed to act cool at school. I no longer needed to see people I didn’t get
along with each day. I no longer had my
life ruled by an hourly bell. My life
was now mine to control and do what I wanted with it. I recall going through my cell phone and
deleting people who used to call me to get help on homework, or those that
would want to hang out with me if their other friends were busy. Most importantly, I began treating people
differently. The day after I graduated,
I also realized that the girl I was dating wasn’t the girl I planned to marry
and that the relationship would likely end when I went away to college that
fall. I realized that relationships were
actually partnerships and friendships. I
viewed her as a girlfriend, but not as a best friend. I was putting more effort into the
relationship at times than she was, and I felt that I wasn’t getting something
out of the relationship that I was emotionally looking for. I realized I needed to be in a relationship
with someone that I wanted to be with forever.
My graduation day made me who I am today because I am guided
by my values and morals. I take pride in
my integrity by always doing what I feel is the right thing to do, even if it
is unpopular to do so. Before I
graduated, I acted in selfish ways that only benefited me; I would help others
if I got something out of it. Since that
day, I began taking genuine interest in other people and their lives. I ask how people are doing because I want to
hear about their lives. I began helping
others in need because I felt my life would be wasted if I only cared about
myself. Today, I enjoy helping others
and expect nothing in return. I try
listening more to friends and others in need, rather than talking more. I value the opinions of others even if I
disagree with those ideas because they make me see the other side of the
argument. After my graduation, my
priorities in life shifted. I was no
longer concerned with petty or childish things. I was focused on important things in life like
being successful at everything I did.
Before graduation, I quit many things in life; whether it was baseball,
Tae Kwon Do, soccer, cross country running or other activities. Since my graduation day, I haven’t quit
anything even if I would have benefited from quitting. During my second year teaching, I was offered
a full time job that would have paid me almost 3 times as much as I made as a
part time teacher, but I didn’t take the job because I felt it would have been
wrong to quit and leave my colleagues, but most importantly, I couldn’t leave
my students behind in the middle of the year.
I’m determined to be successful at all I do, and I’m determined to prove
others wrong. My leadership class with
Ms. Lufkin helped me to start coming “out of my shell” and paying attention to
others as well as to start taking control of my life. Without Ms. Lufkin’s wisdom and caring
personality, I would not have a mentor who I look up to so much today as a
young teacher. Without that class I
don’t think I would’ve caught the attention of Laura, who is now my wife, when
we first started college! I can truly
say that Laura makes me a better person.
She is a great person, and if I hadn’t changed who I was, I know I would
not have deserved a chance to be lucky enough to be her boyfriend in
college. My dad told me a long time ago
that I should marry my best friend. To
this day, that’s the best advice he ever gave me, because I have truly married
the greatest friend I could ever ask for.
I attribute all of these details of my life today to my graduation day.
Before my graduation day, when I entered the real world, I
viewed life as an immature kid who only cared about himself. Today, I am happy to say, I am a caring adult
who is determined to be successful at whatever I do in life, and I will be guided
by the good and caring people I surround myself with on daily basis. Since my graduation, my family has become
much more than a source of annoyance to me; they are a support network that
encourages me and motivates me to do the best and be the best at all I do. My parents, wife and other family members are
all cheering for me as I help build AVID in Inver Grove Heights, and all are
hopeful that my hard work will be rewarded with a successful program and more
work for me in the future. I’m looking
forward to passing along my values to my baby girl when she is born in a couple
of months; before my graduation changed my life, I don’t think I would have
passed along good enough values to my child.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Baby Class #4 of 4...the last crusade!
2/19/13
Today's final edition of baby class is brought to you by the letter "P"...as in poop, penis, nipples and my new favorite word, perineum!
First of all, the easy ones...poop and pee. Our pathologically positive teacher told us to open our books to a certain page, only to be greeted by 4 pictures of poop...literally...4 dirty diapers, starring back at us! "And if you look at page 212 in your book, you'll see some newborn poop! Yea, super fun right?!?!" Bless her heart as she went into detail telling us how each poop was different from the others and at which stage we might fight poops such as those. I couldn't help but go back to our baby shower the neighbors threw for us in which we played a game, "Guess what Baby Lemke ate"...we passed around 6 diapers and had to identify the melted candy bar inside of it by looks and smells. Thankfully, I didn't have to smell the disasters that graced the pages of our parenting book tonight! But seriously...gross!!! I can handle poop...but those diapers took it to a whole new level. But most importantly, who takes pictures of dirty diapers and puts them in a book for parents to reference?!?! The only way I ever want to see dirty diapers, in all their glory, is if they offer a quick clean up strategy for each mess!!!
The second word sponsored by our letter "P" is a word I still can't say without giggling...penis. lol....Anyways...Hopefully you're looking forward to getting to know me better in the next paragraph...She talked about circumcision tonight. Just like night one and our 1000+ "vaginas," tonight it was the male counterpart! Again, in her happy-go-lucky voice, she described the process..."Just a couple of small incisions to the penis and it's all done!" She talked about some pain medicine to give to the babies following the procedure to help manage the pain. I don't think anything would help with that pain...heck, after I was circumcised, I didn't walk for over a year!!! Too much info?! Sorry!!! She then went on to describe how painful it could be for the boy and how to make sure it is properly cared for following the procedure...yea...like could do it justice?!?! Sorry, lady, but this was one time in 4 weeks that I pulled the BS card on her!!! Needless to say, "If you're looking for more info on circumcisions and other things we're talking about tonight, check out some info and pictures I have on the back table when we're on break!" Curiosity got the best of me...I had to look. I learned, thanks to the pictures, that both boys and girls can experience genital swelling shortly after birth due to hormones or other crazy stuff that goes on after birth...and of course, there were pictures to prove this occurrence. I think I speak for most males when I say that I hope/pray for swelling at times!!! To wrap up this paragraph, I'll start my favorite part of the baby class posts with the quotes from our D-bag couple earlier than usual...Before moving on to the next topic, our teacher asked if there were any circumcision questions. You guessed it, Mr. D-bag put his hand up...and there was a collective rolling of the eyes and sighs in the room as we anticipated where the question would lead us. "Ummmm....is there any more research or places I can check out that has more information on circumcisions because every place I look, it's just people bashing the process?!?!" lol...seriously?! Has this guy completed all of his research on Wikipedia so far, or has it been Google images?!?! UGH...I wanted to punch him in the perineum...but more on that later...
Our third word tonight is nipples...as in nipple tenderness with breast feeding. I was crossing my fingers that this would at least be interesting tonight and that we wouldn't see any tribal nudity...well, it wasn't interesting, but we were lucky and didn't see any tribal nudity! I was hoping she'd at least give the husbands something to look forward to in regards to assisting with this process, but she gave us nothing. In fact, she more or less told us to keep our hands off!!! (It took me a while to get over the grudge I found myself holding against her!) Sorry to disappoint with this one, but this was a disappointing part of the night for me, so I wanted to at least let you travel on the emotional roller coaster with me!
Finally, let's talk about my new favorite word...perineum!!! "Ladies, once baby is out and you're in your hospital room, you'll find something in the bathroom we call the 'Peri Bag'...you guessed it, all supplies for you to use in taking care of your perineum!" ...and with that opening line of that portion of class, she had me hooked!!! "Inside the 'Peri Bag' you'll find a plastic squeeze bottle like this one. Well, you just take that bottle with some warm water and you just squirt it to make sure you take care of your perineum after birth!" Wow...thanks, lady! "Moms, you'll also have a super large maxi pad to use..." of course, with that, I tuned out for a few minutes until I heard, "...but if you aren't familiar with the hemorrhoid care isle at your local store, you may become familiar with it after you're home from the hospital!" We also learned how to convert your standard-issue diaper into a custom made perineum ice pack! You moms think of everything!!!
This isn't related to the letter of the day, but I had to throw it in there...The teacher went into more detail than I wanted when she explained that it could take 6-8 weeks for moms to return to "business" after giving birth. "And guys, ya know what, you're going to have to deal with it! She's going to be in mama mode, and you're going to have to get her into hot mama mode if you're looking for anything to happen!" lol...hot mama mode...I just want to sit around a bonfire and have a beer with this teacher and see what other crazy things she has to say about child birth and life in general!!!
So this last baby class update was abnormal as I intermingled the teacher's one-liners into the topics. However, it wouldn't be complete without a couple of final quotes from the D-Bag couple! Again, these are courtesy of Mr. D-bag. "Ummm....you said moms with C-sections shouldn't drive for 2 weeks afterwards. Does that mean she can't ride in the car too?! Because, we have a cross-country road trip planned 6 weeks after we're due!" Seriously dude?!?! Do some people have no ability to consider the crazy things they're about to say before it spews from their mouth?!?! It's like he's one of my middle schoolers!!! Our last quote of this series at least got some laughs from all of us instead of eye rolls and sighs, "Ummm...so you said with post-partum depression, that we should call 911 if things get really serious. So are you saying that if my wife starts showing those signs, I should call the guys in the white coats and they'll come and cart her away?!?!"
And with that, I'll just wrap up this last class by speaking on a sobering moment, if I may. We watched a short video (one I actually watched in its entirety) on "Shaken Baby Syndrome." This was a touching video because it featured 3 families impacted by their babies being shaken. I was almost in tears listening to their stories. Two children are now wheel chair-bound on ventilators and feeding tubes and will never walk, and the third tragically died from his injuries. It was eye opening to see that it doesn't take much to cause permanent damage to a life. It was also important to do some deep thinking on this topic...regardless of how angry any parent becomes at a crying child, it's critical that you just put the child down and walk away for a few minutes...with luck, your spouse/helper is around to take over while you take a short break. This is something we hadn't thought of before tonight. We both knew what it was and how it's caused, but we never thought about it in that way.
So...not to intentionally wrap it up on a downer, but that's all I have for you. PERINEUM! Bam! I snuck that one on you...ninja skills, you never saw it coming! I plan to use that word in my daily life..."You're being a real pain in my perineum right now!" In fact, I used it on the way out the hospital doors tonight after class...Laura told me I could use that word because I don't have a perineum...and so began our conversation on the ride home!!! Thanks again for reading my Daddy Diary. I hope you enjoyed it, and check back for more updates now that our exciting baby classes are over! We appreciate your best wishes/thoughts/prayers you keep sending our way! Take care!
Today's final edition of baby class is brought to you by the letter "P"...as in poop, penis, nipples and my new favorite word, perineum!
First of all, the easy ones...poop and pee. Our pathologically positive teacher told us to open our books to a certain page, only to be greeted by 4 pictures of poop...literally...4 dirty diapers, starring back at us! "And if you look at page 212 in your book, you'll see some newborn poop! Yea, super fun right?!?!" Bless her heart as she went into detail telling us how each poop was different from the others and at which stage we might fight poops such as those. I couldn't help but go back to our baby shower the neighbors threw for us in which we played a game, "Guess what Baby Lemke ate"...we passed around 6 diapers and had to identify the melted candy bar inside of it by looks and smells. Thankfully, I didn't have to smell the disasters that graced the pages of our parenting book tonight! But seriously...gross!!! I can handle poop...but those diapers took it to a whole new level. But most importantly, who takes pictures of dirty diapers and puts them in a book for parents to reference?!?! The only way I ever want to see dirty diapers, in all their glory, is if they offer a quick clean up strategy for each mess!!!
The second word sponsored by our letter "P" is a word I still can't say without giggling...penis. lol....Anyways...Hopefully you're looking forward to getting to know me better in the next paragraph...She talked about circumcision tonight. Just like night one and our 1000+ "vaginas," tonight it was the male counterpart! Again, in her happy-go-lucky voice, she described the process..."Just a couple of small incisions to the penis and it's all done!" She talked about some pain medicine to give to the babies following the procedure to help manage the pain. I don't think anything would help with that pain...heck, after I was circumcised, I didn't walk for over a year!!! Too much info?! Sorry!!! She then went on to describe how painful it could be for the boy and how to make sure it is properly cared for following the procedure...yea...like could do it justice?!?! Sorry, lady, but this was one time in 4 weeks that I pulled the BS card on her!!! Needless to say, "If you're looking for more info on circumcisions and other things we're talking about tonight, check out some info and pictures I have on the back table when we're on break!" Curiosity got the best of me...I had to look. I learned, thanks to the pictures, that both boys and girls can experience genital swelling shortly after birth due to hormones or other crazy stuff that goes on after birth...and of course, there were pictures to prove this occurrence. I think I speak for most males when I say that I hope/pray for swelling at times!!! To wrap up this paragraph, I'll start my favorite part of the baby class posts with the quotes from our D-bag couple earlier than usual...Before moving on to the next topic, our teacher asked if there were any circumcision questions. You guessed it, Mr. D-bag put his hand up...and there was a collective rolling of the eyes and sighs in the room as we anticipated where the question would lead us. "Ummmm....is there any more research or places I can check out that has more information on circumcisions because every place I look, it's just people bashing the process?!?!" lol...seriously?! Has this guy completed all of his research on Wikipedia so far, or has it been Google images?!?! UGH...I wanted to punch him in the perineum...but more on that later...
Our third word tonight is nipples...as in nipple tenderness with breast feeding. I was crossing my fingers that this would at least be interesting tonight and that we wouldn't see any tribal nudity...well, it wasn't interesting, but we were lucky and didn't see any tribal nudity! I was hoping she'd at least give the husbands something to look forward to in regards to assisting with this process, but she gave us nothing. In fact, she more or less told us to keep our hands off!!! (It took me a while to get over the grudge I found myself holding against her!) Sorry to disappoint with this one, but this was a disappointing part of the night for me, so I wanted to at least let you travel on the emotional roller coaster with me!
Finally, let's talk about my new favorite word...perineum!!! "Ladies, once baby is out and you're in your hospital room, you'll find something in the bathroom we call the 'Peri Bag'...you guessed it, all supplies for you to use in taking care of your perineum!" ...and with that opening line of that portion of class, she had me hooked!!! "Inside the 'Peri Bag' you'll find a plastic squeeze bottle like this one. Well, you just take that bottle with some warm water and you just squirt it to make sure you take care of your perineum after birth!" Wow...thanks, lady! "Moms, you'll also have a super large maxi pad to use..." of course, with that, I tuned out for a few minutes until I heard, "...but if you aren't familiar with the hemorrhoid care isle at your local store, you may become familiar with it after you're home from the hospital!" We also learned how to convert your standard-issue diaper into a custom made perineum ice pack! You moms think of everything!!!
This isn't related to the letter of the day, but I had to throw it in there...The teacher went into more detail than I wanted when she explained that it could take 6-8 weeks for moms to return to "business" after giving birth. "And guys, ya know what, you're going to have to deal with it! She's going to be in mama mode, and you're going to have to get her into hot mama mode if you're looking for anything to happen!" lol...hot mama mode...I just want to sit around a bonfire and have a beer with this teacher and see what other crazy things she has to say about child birth and life in general!!!
So this last baby class update was abnormal as I intermingled the teacher's one-liners into the topics. However, it wouldn't be complete without a couple of final quotes from the D-Bag couple! Again, these are courtesy of Mr. D-bag. "Ummm....you said moms with C-sections shouldn't drive for 2 weeks afterwards. Does that mean she can't ride in the car too?! Because, we have a cross-country road trip planned 6 weeks after we're due!" Seriously dude?!?! Do some people have no ability to consider the crazy things they're about to say before it spews from their mouth?!?! It's like he's one of my middle schoolers!!! Our last quote of this series at least got some laughs from all of us instead of eye rolls and sighs, "Ummm...so you said with post-partum depression, that we should call 911 if things get really serious. So are you saying that if my wife starts showing those signs, I should call the guys in the white coats and they'll come and cart her away?!?!"
And with that, I'll just wrap up this last class by speaking on a sobering moment, if I may. We watched a short video (one I actually watched in its entirety) on "Shaken Baby Syndrome." This was a touching video because it featured 3 families impacted by their babies being shaken. I was almost in tears listening to their stories. Two children are now wheel chair-bound on ventilators and feeding tubes and will never walk, and the third tragically died from his injuries. It was eye opening to see that it doesn't take much to cause permanent damage to a life. It was also important to do some deep thinking on this topic...regardless of how angry any parent becomes at a crying child, it's critical that you just put the child down and walk away for a few minutes...with luck, your spouse/helper is around to take over while you take a short break. This is something we hadn't thought of before tonight. We both knew what it was and how it's caused, but we never thought about it in that way.
So...not to intentionally wrap it up on a downer, but that's all I have for you. PERINEUM! Bam! I snuck that one on you...ninja skills, you never saw it coming! I plan to use that word in my daily life..."You're being a real pain in my perineum right now!" In fact, I used it on the way out the hospital doors tonight after class...Laura told me I could use that word because I don't have a perineum...and so began our conversation on the ride home!!! Thanks again for reading my Daddy Diary. I hope you enjoyed it, and check back for more updates now that our exciting baby classes are over! We appreciate your best wishes/thoughts/prayers you keep sending our way! Take care!
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Baby Class #3 of 4
2/12/13
I now fully understand why mom's have a special day set aside for them each year known as "Mother's Day." I shared this idea with Laura on the ride home, and she asked, "Then why is there a Father's Day?" ..."Because they felt dads needed a consolation prize so we wouldn't whine about it!"
I hate to disappoint, but this post won't have the free flowing humor like the previous posts from our baby classes...of course it wouldn't be me if I didn't have any sarcasm or humor.
The word of the night...despite numerous "vaginas" was much less entertaining, but equally important..."C-section"...but, just for kicks...our bonus word of the night was "cutting"...more on that later!!!
Tonight was sort of the first night that I've spent a lot of time thinking and beginning to worry about both mom and baby. As you read, last week was focusing on "normal" deliveries while this week focused on C-section and any other special circumstances that would lead to anything other than a "normal" birth. Weirdly enough, I was thankful for "that couple" tonight and their ever-present annoying questions they poured on at a whole new level tonight that provided a needed distraction/mental break from the stresses the class brought on. I'm just hopeful that our smooth pregnancy leads to a smooth delivery day...but tonight was very sobering.
We learned about the selfishness of some parents to plan a C-section in order to have the child arrive when they want it to, rather than letting nature run its course in delivering a baby that is ready to enter the world. We also were made aware of several other circumstances in which we'd need to have a C-section. Whether the baby somehow shifts and turns breach or horizontal, or if it's too big and simply can't fit through the pelvis to be delivered, we are at least well-aware of the C-section option. Not that you care to know, but I was born C-section after my mom apparently labored for a long time without luck. I guess you can say I've been stubborn since day one!!!
All of the above scenarios fall under the "unplanned" category of C-sections. The "emergency" C-sections were the scary part of the night. Ranging from the baby's vitals dropping on the monitors to mom's vitals dropping, to bleeding, to the umbilical chord being delivered before the baby...all of these things now scare the crap out of me! The worst part about these scenarios is that our decisions now impact 2 lives rather than just one! Tonight I was genuinely stressed out thinking about having to make a decision about our baby's life, and about Laura's life...all of which brought up unpleasant thoughts that I don't want to go into...but our pregnancy transformed for me tonight. It's not just about happiness and joyful thinking now...in the back of our minds, we have to be ready to make some tough decisions should they arise in the next 2 months.
I must say that the C-section itself doesn't make me too scared, but it's the complications and implications it carries. From the local anesthetic, to a general anesthetic if it's an emergency situation, with any surgery comes risk. At times, the C-section seems to be easier than what Laura could be in store for... but it's way riskier than the "old fashioned" way! There was a video tonight that discussed and showed a C-section...you guessed...I definitely didn't watch that!!! Heck, if they keep the dad by mom's head during the procedure, why on Earth would I want to watch it on a video?!?! I also didn't realize these videos are the white man's version of National Geographics and tribal nudity...if I have to see anymore nasty nipples on these horror movies, I'll never look at boobs the same way again!!! Anyways, the whole process creates a new can of worms for mom and baby...from complications to recovery time...the surgery just isn't something we'd be hoping for. I can't believe there are people out there that are selfish enough that opt to have a C-section because they want to dictate when they give birth because of some crazy wish. Don't get me wrong, I totally understand why C-sections are needed, but if it isn't needed, why risk all the things that come along with having surgery?!?! But, as we've been learning from class and friends, we need to keep an open mind about our delivery day and labor process and need to be ready to roll with the punches as they come our way.
Laura summed it up best tonight..."I kind of wish that I didn't know all of that stuff now and that I just went into it blind and unprepared." I'm just throwing this out there...feminists can be royal pain in the butts with their "go girl power" BS, yet some dudes are total jerks with their, "chicks suck and just complain about everything and men are way better" BS...there's absolutely no way I'd ever be able to be a woman!!! I'm terrified for the whole process and all the things Laura may need to endure to bring our child into this world. Tonight we learned another "E" word...I'm starting to learn that "E" is a bad letter for pregnancy terms...Epidurals last week, and Episiotomy this week. Epidurals would be enough to make me want to go play in traffic or get poked in the eye with a sharp stick rather than have that done...but now, this new "E" word!!! For those of you that don't know, I'll make it sound like butterflies and unicorns and other great things...If Laura's baby door can't open wide enough for baby, they might have to make a cut towards her back door to help the process. Pardon my French, but...#&%# that!!! No way...I don't want anyone even looking in that region on me, let alone wanting to cut it!!! If someone ever came at me with a knife with intentions to go down there, I'd put up one heck of a fight...maybe even shoot them in self-defense!!! Luckily our overly positive and bluntly honest teacher reassured us, "But don't worry, moms, we can give a local shot in the area to numb it before the incision!" HECK NO!!! It's bad enough to cut that region, but first they'd stick you?!?! After the cutting, of course, comes some sewing...nope...count me out! I can guarantee you Laura would've never let me touch her if she knew all this stuff was in store for her!!! And you know what...I don't blame her! In fact...I'm going to let this blog entry be my "talk" that I'll someday have to have with my daughter where babies come from!!! Heck...if teaching 5th grade won't scare her away from having kids, this entry darn-well better do it!!! Anyways, needless to say, if I was a woman, I'd turn into a nun and never let a guy get anywhere near me!!!
Our night ended in a beneficial way with a tour of United Hospital's birth center. We saw the check-in area and every other place we'll likely encounter along our journey on "D-Day" (Delivery Day) as my dad has started calling it. From the labor/delivery room to the postpartum recovery room, we saw some cool stuff. The labor room was smaller and way more simple than I thought it'd be. And our recovery room was smaller than I've seen as well. Anyways, each room had a TV and...are you ready for the most sarcastic comment of the night?!?!...a super comfortable chair that converts to an even more comfortable bed for me!!! But hey...ya know what...I'm not going to complain about an uncomfortable bed/chair that I'll have to endure for a couple of days while Laura endures that crap I described above. It was comforting to see the close proximity of the operating room to the delivery room incase of an emergency, and it was comforting to know the Children's Hospital is literally down the hall from where our baby will be born if there is a need for additional special care. It was comforting to know that our baby will be born in a place with some of the best staff and the best facility around, so I know it will get the best care when we welcome her into the world.
Of course, this baby class posting wouldn't be complete without some one-liners from the night...
Remember, think MN accent with a little TX flare and super bubbly/optimistic personality in order to envision this lady. I'll gladly do the voice for you if you want...but I really like her and I look forward to the straight-faced dirty words each week...mostly because I like to giggle and be immature!!!
Teacher: "Ladies, don't worry too much about your stubborn cervix, we have tools we can use to help baby!"
Annoying dad, "So, if an unplanned C-section is needed, will we have time to call family/friends and wait for them to get to the hospital before the actual procedure?" (I wanted to slap the dumbness out of him at that point!)
Teacher: While holding up a 12-inch long plastic stick in her hand (think: orchestra conductor's wand), "Ladies, if we need to break your water for you, we'll just stick this right up your vagina and take care of it for you!"
And with that...I'll wrap up this post. I hope you enjoyed this entry. I want to sincerely thank you for your continued thoughts/best wishes/prayers you've been sending our way. You've truly made a difference for us so far and I'm hoping you don't mind sending them our way a little while longer. Thanks again for reading my Daddy Diary! Take care...
I now fully understand why mom's have a special day set aside for them each year known as "Mother's Day." I shared this idea with Laura on the ride home, and she asked, "Then why is there a Father's Day?" ..."Because they felt dads needed a consolation prize so we wouldn't whine about it!"
I hate to disappoint, but this post won't have the free flowing humor like the previous posts from our baby classes...of course it wouldn't be me if I didn't have any sarcasm or humor.
The word of the night...despite numerous "vaginas" was much less entertaining, but equally important..."C-section"...but, just for kicks...our bonus word of the night was "cutting"...more on that later!!!
Tonight was sort of the first night that I've spent a lot of time thinking and beginning to worry about both mom and baby. As you read, last week was focusing on "normal" deliveries while this week focused on C-section and any other special circumstances that would lead to anything other than a "normal" birth. Weirdly enough, I was thankful for "that couple" tonight and their ever-present annoying questions they poured on at a whole new level tonight that provided a needed distraction/mental break from the stresses the class brought on. I'm just hopeful that our smooth pregnancy leads to a smooth delivery day...but tonight was very sobering.
We learned about the selfishness of some parents to plan a C-section in order to have the child arrive when they want it to, rather than letting nature run its course in delivering a baby that is ready to enter the world. We also were made aware of several other circumstances in which we'd need to have a C-section. Whether the baby somehow shifts and turns breach or horizontal, or if it's too big and simply can't fit through the pelvis to be delivered, we are at least well-aware of the C-section option. Not that you care to know, but I was born C-section after my mom apparently labored for a long time without luck. I guess you can say I've been stubborn since day one!!!
All of the above scenarios fall under the "unplanned" category of C-sections. The "emergency" C-sections were the scary part of the night. Ranging from the baby's vitals dropping on the monitors to mom's vitals dropping, to bleeding, to the umbilical chord being delivered before the baby...all of these things now scare the crap out of me! The worst part about these scenarios is that our decisions now impact 2 lives rather than just one! Tonight I was genuinely stressed out thinking about having to make a decision about our baby's life, and about Laura's life...all of which brought up unpleasant thoughts that I don't want to go into...but our pregnancy transformed for me tonight. It's not just about happiness and joyful thinking now...in the back of our minds, we have to be ready to make some tough decisions should they arise in the next 2 months.
I must say that the C-section itself doesn't make me too scared, but it's the complications and implications it carries. From the local anesthetic, to a general anesthetic if it's an emergency situation, with any surgery comes risk. At times, the C-section seems to be easier than what Laura could be in store for... but it's way riskier than the "old fashioned" way! There was a video tonight that discussed and showed a C-section...you guessed...I definitely didn't watch that!!! Heck, if they keep the dad by mom's head during the procedure, why on Earth would I want to watch it on a video?!?! I also didn't realize these videos are the white man's version of National Geographics and tribal nudity...if I have to see anymore nasty nipples on these horror movies, I'll never look at boobs the same way again!!! Anyways, the whole process creates a new can of worms for mom and baby...from complications to recovery time...the surgery just isn't something we'd be hoping for. I can't believe there are people out there that are selfish enough that opt to have a C-section because they want to dictate when they give birth because of some crazy wish. Don't get me wrong, I totally understand why C-sections are needed, but if it isn't needed, why risk all the things that come along with having surgery?!?! But, as we've been learning from class and friends, we need to keep an open mind about our delivery day and labor process and need to be ready to roll with the punches as they come our way.
Laura summed it up best tonight..."I kind of wish that I didn't know all of that stuff now and that I just went into it blind and unprepared." I'm just throwing this out there...feminists can be royal pain in the butts with their "go girl power" BS, yet some dudes are total jerks with their, "chicks suck and just complain about everything and men are way better" BS...there's absolutely no way I'd ever be able to be a woman!!! I'm terrified for the whole process and all the things Laura may need to endure to bring our child into this world. Tonight we learned another "E" word...I'm starting to learn that "E" is a bad letter for pregnancy terms...Epidurals last week, and Episiotomy this week. Epidurals would be enough to make me want to go play in traffic or get poked in the eye with a sharp stick rather than have that done...but now, this new "E" word!!! For those of you that don't know, I'll make it sound like butterflies and unicorns and other great things...If Laura's baby door can't open wide enough for baby, they might have to make a cut towards her back door to help the process. Pardon my French, but...#&%# that!!! No way...I don't want anyone even looking in that region on me, let alone wanting to cut it!!! If someone ever came at me with a knife with intentions to go down there, I'd put up one heck of a fight...maybe even shoot them in self-defense!!! Luckily our overly positive and bluntly honest teacher reassured us, "But don't worry, moms, we can give a local shot in the area to numb it before the incision!" HECK NO!!! It's bad enough to cut that region, but first they'd stick you?!?! After the cutting, of course, comes some sewing...nope...count me out! I can guarantee you Laura would've never let me touch her if she knew all this stuff was in store for her!!! And you know what...I don't blame her! In fact...I'm going to let this blog entry be my "talk" that I'll someday have to have with my daughter where babies come from!!! Heck...if teaching 5th grade won't scare her away from having kids, this entry darn-well better do it!!! Anyways, needless to say, if I was a woman, I'd turn into a nun and never let a guy get anywhere near me!!!
Our night ended in a beneficial way with a tour of United Hospital's birth center. We saw the check-in area and every other place we'll likely encounter along our journey on "D-Day" (Delivery Day) as my dad has started calling it. From the labor/delivery room to the postpartum recovery room, we saw some cool stuff. The labor room was smaller and way more simple than I thought it'd be. And our recovery room was smaller than I've seen as well. Anyways, each room had a TV and...are you ready for the most sarcastic comment of the night?!?!...a super comfortable chair that converts to an even more comfortable bed for me!!! But hey...ya know what...I'm not going to complain about an uncomfortable bed/chair that I'll have to endure for a couple of days while Laura endures that crap I described above. It was comforting to see the close proximity of the operating room to the delivery room incase of an emergency, and it was comforting to know the Children's Hospital is literally down the hall from where our baby will be born if there is a need for additional special care. It was comforting to know that our baby will be born in a place with some of the best staff and the best facility around, so I know it will get the best care when we welcome her into the world.
Of course, this baby class posting wouldn't be complete without some one-liners from the night...
Remember, think MN accent with a little TX flare and super bubbly/optimistic personality in order to envision this lady. I'll gladly do the voice for you if you want...but I really like her and I look forward to the straight-faced dirty words each week...mostly because I like to giggle and be immature!!!
Teacher: "Ladies, don't worry too much about your stubborn cervix, we have tools we can use to help baby!"
Annoying dad, "So, if an unplanned C-section is needed, will we have time to call family/friends and wait for them to get to the hospital before the actual procedure?" (I wanted to slap the dumbness out of him at that point!)
Teacher: While holding up a 12-inch long plastic stick in her hand (think: orchestra conductor's wand), "Ladies, if we need to break your water for you, we'll just stick this right up your vagina and take care of it for you!"
And with that...I'll wrap up this post. I hope you enjoyed this entry. I want to sincerely thank you for your continued thoughts/best wishes/prayers you've been sending our way. You've truly made a difference for us so far and I'm hoping you don't mind sending them our way a little while longer. Thanks again for reading my Daddy Diary! Take care...
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Baby Class #2 of 4
2/6/13
For the second round of baby class, the word of the day morphed from "vagina" to "rectal pressure" this week!!! I hope you don't mind the language in my opener...because there's more to come!!! Grab a beverage...this one is a big longer than usual. So, in the mood of child birth, let's get this newest blog entry going and make like a baby and head out...
At least we learned things about the delivery process and what to expect in between all the anatomy words and nasty video clips. The delivery/labor process is infinitely more complicated than I ever thought it would be. In my fantasy land and ignorant dad world, I thought we'd get checked in, Laura would be in tremendous pain for a while, she'd push and try to get the baby out while shouting profanities at me, screaming "you did this to me" and then the kid would fall out in pristine condition and be handed to us smelling like Johnson&Johnson baby shampoo...holy crap...I was way wrong!!!
I'll prove myself way wrong, step by step...First of all, the check-in part appears to be the easiest of all parts to this process. We actually have a pre-registration form that we can have filled out and hand it to the people, get our wrist bands and head in...so far, it kind of sounds like we're going to a concert! Once in our own delivery room, we'll be assigned a delivery nurse who won't leave our side until the baby is born. This will be nice to have a constant presence of someone who knows what the heck is going on and is there to assist us as needed. I can only imagine what Laura will go through. But I do know this...anytime I complain about a stomach ache in the future, I will not get much sympathy from her! Our classmates really woke up last night when the teacher started talking about all the drugs that are available to mom. She went through a short list of drugs, how they're given to mom and the risks to mom and baby that each carried. It was nice to have this in-depth analysis, but also daunting, knowing that Laura and I have quite a few more decisions to be made before the big day. Again, those annoying parents in our class had tons of stupid questions and comments that obviously got everyone annoyed in the room. While talking about a narcotic they sometimes used, our teacher was interrupted by, "What dosage does the hospital give of this narcotic?" Seriously?!?! Who the hell asks this question besides a doctor about to give the injection and wants to double check with a colleague?!?!
They have all sorts of positions, objects and places to help her through the various stages of labor. Anywhere from a nurse and I supporting her near the bed, to medicine balls, to warm tubs, to the use of a "labor bar" (think jungle gym equipment that attaches to the bed)...just to help her through contractions and trying to keep her comfortable. I really hope that baby takes it easy on mom. Laura has been such a trooper throughout the pregnancy...she's been uncomfortable probably a lot more than others, so I hope this is a little easier on her than others.
So, after passing through the various labor stages for anywhere up to 18 hours...good God...then comes the pushing phase intermixed with profanities. Laura knows that I love her so much that I'm giving her a free pass to call me all the names she wants that day, no hard feelings. And yes, I "did this to her" so it's the least I can endure...I know!!!
And finally, once the little bundle of joy I've been longing to meet arrives, she will in fact be quite goopy at first! If you know me well, you know I don't like my fingers in slimy or sticky stuff...so suddenly, this magical moment is now giving me mixed emotions! I'll want to hug, kiss and coddle the little twirp...but...ewwwwww!!! She most definitely not be smelling like a baby fresh from a bath! (The parts of the nasty videos I did watch confirmed this fear)
I'm curious if birth and those first few hours have changed over time since Laura and I were born. They are apparently really big with skin-to-skin contact immediately starting upon birth. It almost appeared as though the baby was thrown towards mom's chest by the doctor while a nurse was stripping down mom's top and then "plop" goes the baby followed by tons of towels and checking for vital signs. While the baby is still on Laura's chest, they will do a variety of checks in the first minute, and then 5 minutes later, and then some more in the first hour or so. I know I'll get some skin to skin time with our little girl in there as well, but I certainly don't want to scar her for life if her first vision/memory is getting tangled in dad's chest hair...and I'm not shaving that crap, no way!!! I'm not going to let her start calling the shots on her first day!!! So I think I'll just stick with some good, old-fashioned baby holding!
We were also told that it would be more than an hour before we'd be moved from the delivery room to our normal room, and that sometime before we start having all of our friends and family stop by to meet our girl, mom and dad will probably want a shower and mom will want to try to take a quick nap in between the first couple of feedings.
Wow...that was a marathon post! I'll leave you with a few one-liners from our class last night. I love our teacher. She's a MN girl with a slight Texas accent, and super perky, so you can imagine the personality that matches...oh, and she's had 6 kids and is a nurse in the delivery ward, so she knows what she's talking about.
#1 - While talking about how each woman is different and why some labors take longer than others, she said, "Ladies, don't be bumming if your cervix isn't working with you!"
#2 - While describing a muscle to help with delivery and how to exercise that particular lady muscle, the ladies were told to practice doing "kegels"...the muscle that would stop you from peeing if you flexed it..."We want you to do this kegels up to 50 times a day before the big day so you can practice. I know that's a lot, but practice at work, in the car. Heck, I just did one in front of you just now and you didn't even know it!!! Isn't that fun?!"
#3 - Finally...let's just say I was the most immature at this class compared to the first class. There were lots of body parts, horrible cartoon/animations in the book we were given, and a ton of other reasons for me to morph into my 13 year old alter-ego. So needless to say, when "rectal pressure" was muttered for the first time, I lost it...no pun intended!
Anyways, thanks again for reading my Daddy Diary. I hope you find it somewhat entertaining and fun to check in on Laura and I as we have made our way through our first pregnancy. One final, random and serious thought before I wrap it up...At some point, I plan to put some sort of book together with all of these posts for my child to read when she gets older, and I hope she loves reading about the memories she was making for mom and dad well before she was born. In fact, I will be writing a related piece in my own classroom. This week, my students started working on writing their personal memoirs, and I promised them I would write my memoirs right along side of them. I have a feeling my baby and lovely wife will be mentioned in there somewhere! Thanks again for your continued thoughts and best wishes/prayers you send our way. They are greatly appreciated! Take care!
For the second round of baby class, the word of the day morphed from "vagina" to "rectal pressure" this week!!! I hope you don't mind the language in my opener...because there's more to come!!! Grab a beverage...this one is a big longer than usual. So, in the mood of child birth, let's get this newest blog entry going and make like a baby and head out...
At least we learned things about the delivery process and what to expect in between all the anatomy words and nasty video clips. The delivery/labor process is infinitely more complicated than I ever thought it would be. In my fantasy land and ignorant dad world, I thought we'd get checked in, Laura would be in tremendous pain for a while, she'd push and try to get the baby out while shouting profanities at me, screaming "you did this to me" and then the kid would fall out in pristine condition and be handed to us smelling like Johnson&Johnson baby shampoo...holy crap...I was way wrong!!!
I'll prove myself way wrong, step by step...First of all, the check-in part appears to be the easiest of all parts to this process. We actually have a pre-registration form that we can have filled out and hand it to the people, get our wrist bands and head in...so far, it kind of sounds like we're going to a concert! Once in our own delivery room, we'll be assigned a delivery nurse who won't leave our side until the baby is born. This will be nice to have a constant presence of someone who knows what the heck is going on and is there to assist us as needed. I can only imagine what Laura will go through. But I do know this...anytime I complain about a stomach ache in the future, I will not get much sympathy from her! Our classmates really woke up last night when the teacher started talking about all the drugs that are available to mom. She went through a short list of drugs, how they're given to mom and the risks to mom and baby that each carried. It was nice to have this in-depth analysis, but also daunting, knowing that Laura and I have quite a few more decisions to be made before the big day. Again, those annoying parents in our class had tons of stupid questions and comments that obviously got everyone annoyed in the room. While talking about a narcotic they sometimes used, our teacher was interrupted by, "What dosage does the hospital give of this narcotic?" Seriously?!?! Who the hell asks this question besides a doctor about to give the injection and wants to double check with a colleague?!?!
They have all sorts of positions, objects and places to help her through the various stages of labor. Anywhere from a nurse and I supporting her near the bed, to medicine balls, to warm tubs, to the use of a "labor bar" (think jungle gym equipment that attaches to the bed)...just to help her through contractions and trying to keep her comfortable. I really hope that baby takes it easy on mom. Laura has been such a trooper throughout the pregnancy...she's been uncomfortable probably a lot more than others, so I hope this is a little easier on her than others.
So, after passing through the various labor stages for anywhere up to 18 hours...good God...then comes the pushing phase intermixed with profanities. Laura knows that I love her so much that I'm giving her a free pass to call me all the names she wants that day, no hard feelings. And yes, I "did this to her" so it's the least I can endure...I know!!!
And finally, once the little bundle of joy I've been longing to meet arrives, she will in fact be quite goopy at first! If you know me well, you know I don't like my fingers in slimy or sticky stuff...so suddenly, this magical moment is now giving me mixed emotions! I'll want to hug, kiss and coddle the little twirp...but...ewwwwww!!! She most definitely not be smelling like a baby fresh from a bath! (The parts of the nasty videos I did watch confirmed this fear)
I'm curious if birth and those first few hours have changed over time since Laura and I were born. They are apparently really big with skin-to-skin contact immediately starting upon birth. It almost appeared as though the baby was thrown towards mom's chest by the doctor while a nurse was stripping down mom's top and then "plop" goes the baby followed by tons of towels and checking for vital signs. While the baby is still on Laura's chest, they will do a variety of checks in the first minute, and then 5 minutes later, and then some more in the first hour or so. I know I'll get some skin to skin time with our little girl in there as well, but I certainly don't want to scar her for life if her first vision/memory is getting tangled in dad's chest hair...and I'm not shaving that crap, no way!!! I'm not going to let her start calling the shots on her first day!!! So I think I'll just stick with some good, old-fashioned baby holding!
We were also told that it would be more than an hour before we'd be moved from the delivery room to our normal room, and that sometime before we start having all of our friends and family stop by to meet our girl, mom and dad will probably want a shower and mom will want to try to take a quick nap in between the first couple of feedings.
Wow...that was a marathon post! I'll leave you with a few one-liners from our class last night. I love our teacher. She's a MN girl with a slight Texas accent, and super perky, so you can imagine the personality that matches...oh, and she's had 6 kids and is a nurse in the delivery ward, so she knows what she's talking about.
#1 - While talking about how each woman is different and why some labors take longer than others, she said, "Ladies, don't be bumming if your cervix isn't working with you!"
#2 - While describing a muscle to help with delivery and how to exercise that particular lady muscle, the ladies were told to practice doing "kegels"...the muscle that would stop you from peeing if you flexed it..."We want you to do this kegels up to 50 times a day before the big day so you can practice. I know that's a lot, but practice at work, in the car. Heck, I just did one in front of you just now and you didn't even know it!!! Isn't that fun?!"
#3 - Finally...let's just say I was the most immature at this class compared to the first class. There were lots of body parts, horrible cartoon/animations in the book we were given, and a ton of other reasons for me to morph into my 13 year old alter-ego. So needless to say, when "rectal pressure" was muttered for the first time, I lost it...no pun intended!
Anyways, thanks again for reading my Daddy Diary. I hope you find it somewhat entertaining and fun to check in on Laura and I as we have made our way through our first pregnancy. One final, random and serious thought before I wrap it up...At some point, I plan to put some sort of book together with all of these posts for my child to read when she gets older, and I hope she loves reading about the memories she was making for mom and dad well before she was born. In fact, I will be writing a related piece in my own classroom. This week, my students started working on writing their personal memoirs, and I promised them I would write my memoirs right along side of them. I have a feeling my baby and lovely wife will be mentioned in there somewhere! Thanks again for your continued thoughts and best wishes/prayers you send our way. They are greatly appreciated! Take care!
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